Arashi
by Seizalyn
Summary: Mikagami is shocked by the surprising identity of his sister's killer, and holes himself up in solitude, unable to do anything else but brood. It is only when a certain someone comes in and awakens him, that he realises certain important factors about lif


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, I wrote this fic quite a while ago...almost a year ago, in fact. But still, when compared to my other fics, it's still one of the latest fics I've written! ^^;; (actually, I had planned it way back in 1998, but for some reason it wasn't until somewhere in good ol' year 2000 that I finally found the right words to put in the right places ^_^;;) It's really one of my favourite fics among those I've written, and not only because it's angsty like hell. Really ^.~ 

As a side, I rewrote certain parts of the fic because of some confusion over who was thinking what. Nothing much; it's definitely not a complete rewrite of the entire thing. Just to let you know ^_^

Anyway, in here, everyone's favourite Hyomon Ken master angsts greatly like the pro he is *grins* when he finds out who the murderer of his sister is, and a certain someone comes in to talk him out of it. And no, it's not Fuuko ^_^ Hey, it's not that I have anything against the dear girl, but she just didn't seem to fit the role I had in mind. 

Fuuko: *steams* Are you saying that I'm insensitive?! .XXX   
Lynn: Heck no! *sweatdrop* You're just, uh...you're, eh, well...   
FoR Cast (behind a brick wall): *watches attentively*   
Lynn: .......................... *looks to the rest of the cast* Help?   
Mikagami (jumps on the brick wall): *throws a raspberry in her direction* Pffffffffthb! That's what you get for picking on me, beeeeeeeeda!   
Lynn: *sweatdrop*   
Fuuko: ^^;;   
Rest of the Cast: *try to get Mikagami down from the wall*   
Recca: *mumbles* Oi, he's lost it I tell you...Completely gone...   
Lynn: *sneaks away...or tries to*   
Fuuko: *blink* Don't think I've forgotten about you, you sneak! 

BTW, just so you know, 'arashi' means 'storm' in Japanese. Imaginative, huh? *snerk* 

**SPOILERS:** This fic takes place after the last fight in the Ura Butou Satsujin (aka The Death Tournament), particularly the battle between Team Hokage and Uruha Kurenai/Uruha Scarlet, and even more particularly -- the Mikagami/Kai battle. But it's spoilers mostly for the identity of Mifuyu's killers and Mikagami's past. 

Mikagami: *moans* Why me?!! ;__;   
Lynn: Oi, it isn't my fault you're awesome angst material! Feel proud!   
Mikagami: *not listening* Why, God? WHY?!!   
Lynn: Hey, it isn't easy being labelled as a good angster ^_^ You don't see a title like that going to Recca, do you?   
Mikagami: .XXX *starts chasing her with Ensui*   
Lynn: Ack! *hightails it* Just like old times... *_* 

==============   
**Arashi**   
by Lynn Utsukushii   
==============

"Mikagami-senpai?" 

Startled from his thoughts, Mikagami Tokiya turned towards the door to see who actually had the nerve to disturb him tonight. Of all nights amongst the seven-day stay in the hotel, this was undoubtedly his worst night ever. Even the weather seemed to agree. The storm tonight was angry, furious even. Its powerful wind came in many strong waves, vengefully bending the mighty, gigantic trees that dared to defy its will; its howling was loud, almost haunting against the rapid tapping of raindrops against the clear glass of the window panes. Tonight was a definite storm, one that could very well uproot many a tree by morning. 

Yet, it was nothing compared to the raging storm of confusion and turmoil that threatened to tear him apart. 

"Yanagi-chan. What brings you here tonight?" 

Yanagi hesitantly walked into the room, her arms outstretched slightly in an effort to guide herself through the quiet darkness within. Not a single light was on, not even the little lamp that lay beside the bed, on the dresser. The only source of light came from the occasional strike of bluish-white lightning outside; the source of coolness came not from the fan above, but from the harsh wind that seeped in through the window's small opening. Mikagami seemed to like it that way, so Yanagi wasn't going to say anything about it. 

Standing in front of the Ensui master, Yanagi wrung her hands as she said softly, "Mikagami-senpai…Um, I just came to tell you that dinner's ready, since you didn't seem to hear me earlier." Her voice was soft, almost hesitant. Almost afraid. 

If it had been any other day, Mikagami would have simply gotten up and quietly went to eat. But this was not just any other day. This was the worst day of his seventeen years of life. His gaze remained on Yanagi for a moment longer, before silently reverting back to its original position. Flat, blue eyes gazed blankly at the rampant storm outside. Dinner, now? How ludicrous! How did Yanagi-chan -- how did anyone -- expect him to actually eat dinner like always after what he just found out? 

"No, thank you," came the quiet reply. 

Yanagi sighed, "Mikagami-senpai…You cannot say that you don't want to eat. After today's battle against Uruha Kurenai, you have to eat something to replenish your energy!" 

"After today's battle…After today's battle, there is nothing left for me to do. I don't need to do anything anymore, because there is no longer any point," Mikagami answered bitterly, his voice colder than the frost-layered glass pane before him. 

"Nani? What…What do you mean?" 

"Don't ask me what I mean, Yanagi-chan. You should know, you were there! You saw…You heard…" he could feel his voice breaking slightly at the memory, of the uttered words that had completely changed the course of his life. How could mere words have such a devastating impact upon him? 

Yanagi was silent. Yes, she knew. But still… "But still, there is no reason why you should be acting this way. Mikagami-senpai, everyone is worried about you. We all know what happened, and we'd like to help--" 

"Then you can help by leaving me alone!" His tone rose against the thunderous tapping of raindrops, and for a moment Mikagami was tempted to just…just…throw something. Break something, anything. Anything that would let him vent his anger would be good enough. 

His patience was gone, his sanity worn thin by the controversial thoughts that littered his mind. Why couldn't they see it? He needed to be alone tonight, to think things through! They'd left him alone every other night, why not tonight as well? Why couldn't they even see that? Did they honestly think that he could simply eat dinner with them, and act as if everything were normal...as if today didn't even happen?! 

Yanagi wanted to leave. Mikagami looked so furious, so filled with deeply suppressed rage that it frightened her to the core. She'd never seen him lose his cool like that, to just burst out at someone in raging anger. Even when he'd been disagreeing with Recca, he'd been in complete control of himself. His composure was kept, his tone remarkably cool and controlled. To see him suddenly burst out was…unnerving. 

Lightning struck, and the sound of the deafening thunder filled her ears. Tonight was not a happy night. 

Mikagami was quiet. His breathing rapid, his eyes were closed as he tried vehemently to regain control over himself after that uncharacteristic outburst. His clutch on the chair's arm was so tight, that his knuckles virtually turned white against his naturally pale skin. Yanagi would have left, she really would. The room was in total darkness now, yet she could faintly see Mikagami's silhouette against the dark blue sky outside. The situation was so frightening, with the storm outside not helping at all. 

Slowly, her legs moved backwards as she made her way back to the door. Lightning flashed once more, a powerful streak of white that seemed to illuminate the very sky itself… 

_Yes, leave me alone…leave me alone…and let me drown in the flood of my misery._

She passed the cupboard, then the writing desk. Thunder as loud as the roaring drums during one of the many lion dance festivals she attended years ago filled her mind, so loud and rapid and full of anger… 

_Go on…go away, and leave me be. I'll handle this on my own…I always have._

Her hands reached the knob, turning it slowly as the door creaked open… 

_Go away, Yanagi-chan. To your bright, little world and your happy, cheerful friends. That's where you belong; I won't drag you down with me._

The white streak returned, and Yanagi could hardly contain her surprise at the sight that greeted her under the luminous white-blue glow. Even in the dark, the twin trails of silvery streams could easily be detected, flowing out freely from the corners of his eyes. She almost choked in surprise, her eyes tearing at the scene before her. _Mikagami-senpai…You're crying…_

How could stoic, cold Mikagami be crying right in front of her? 

He could hear her footsteps as she returned to his side, curiously studying the tears than flowed freely down his cheeks. He knew he was crying; he could feel the tiny teardrops stinging his eyes, the ones that stained his shirt. But why should he cry? So what if Yanagi left him here? It was only natural, wasn't it? Everyone else left him, why shouldn't she?

"Mikagami-senpai…" she murmured softly, gently fingering the tears, almost as if to make certain that they really existed. She really wasn't dreaming here, she knew. Not even in a dream would she ever expect Mikagami to actually cry in front of her. "You're…crying…"

The words drifted off, the sentence left incomplete as she mentally berated herself for not coming up with something better. It always irritated her that she could never do anything but state the obvious, especially in times when the obvious best not be pointed out. 

_Baka Yanagi, don't you have anything productive to say here?!_

Tearing his face away from her touch, Mikagami forced himself to say something, anything. "Yanagi-chan…Just leave, there's no reason for you to be here…No reason for me to be here…" Had there ever been any in the first place? Maybe everything had been destined to end up this way…Did he really have to fight as hard as he had to get through?

"I really don't understand why you keep saying that! Why? Why do you think you have no reason left to live?" Mikagami didn't answer, and for the few times in her life, Yanagi was furious. Furious that she had to see him like this, a destroyed wreck of uncontrollable emotions. Furious at herself for not being able to help. Furious at Mikagami for not letting her help. "Answer me, Mikagami! Why...Why are you acting so pathetic?!!" 

"Because it's true! I told you before, the only reason I lived was for vengeance. Vengeance for the death of Mifuyu-neechan, something that should never have happened! I took it upon myself to honour her name and sacrifice, yet look at things now!" His eyes were brimming with unshed tears as he shouted over the pouring rain. Pathetic…Yes, maybe he was pathetic. He hadn't been able to protect his sister, and he hadn't been able to avenge her either. What kind of pathetic fool could have actually messed up so badly? 

"I have fought over and over in her name, demanding justice and reason for her death, when in fact I am dishonouring it by using the very technique that killed her! How do you think that makes me feel? To have my seven years of my life, of hard, intense training go down the drain just like that? To have the reason of my very existence made a mockery of because my own master decided to kill the only family I ever had left?!"

Brilliant blue orbs, brightened by unbridled, passionate fury, glared intensely at the dark blue sky outside -- as if he would somehow find the answer to his questions by boring a hole through the sky. His mind worked hastily, trying to find that logical self of his_…_the self that he had depended upon most of his life, the self that had now been cast aside as his emotions ripped through his mind and soul. 

_I'm yelling…yelling at her. Why?_

Was he really so upset that he would even lash out at the first soul who crossed his path, even if that soul was a blameless one?

_No, I shouldn't__…this has nothing to do with her__…_

Surprised at his rapidly growing emotions, and maybe feeling just a little bit scared by them, he focused all his anger at reigning them in, biting them down as viciously as they came. It was something he was used to doing. His shoulders were straight, his body tense and unmoving; Mikagami looked ready to strike at the next object that moved, and for the first time since their meeting at the mirror house, Yanagi was grateful that he hadn't been holding Ensui. She didn't think he would be able to hold himself back from slashing the room to pieces, if he had.

"...It's not a simple 'letting go', Yanagi-chan. It's more than that! I went through life because I had to. If I hadn't, then I would never be able to avenge my sister. I ate because I had to keep my strength up, I trained because I had to be stronger, I lived simply because I had one reason to. Vengeance. I used to have a reason to go on, now I have none. My entire life was focused on vengeance, what else is there for me now?"

"You achieved what you wanted, isn't that enough? You found out who Mifuyu's killer is, isn't that what you wanted?!" Yanagi demanded, her voice harsher than she intended it to be. She was scared_…_she was frightened to death. But she had to do this; she couldn't run away, and leave him to the mercy of his own demons. 

"Yes! But never did I ever expect it to be him. Never…him. He betrayed me. He betrayed my trust in him! This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to avenge my sister here, successfully. I was supposed to return to my master, and let him know of my victory. And then…Then…" His voice softened unexpectedly, as Mikagami glanced at the rising storm outside. It still hadn't subsided. In fact, it had become more violent than ever.

The sound of thunder rang within her ears as she waited for Mikagami to continue. He didn't, his gaze locked onto the raging storm outside. The silence that took over was uncomfortable and awkward. The sound of the raindrops tapping against the window panes filled the quiet room, and for moment, Yanagi gazed upon the young man before her, repeating his words, prodding him to continue, "…And then?"

"And then…And then, he was supposed to kill me."

"NANI?!" 

_What is this?!_

"Mikagami, what are you talking about?! Are you telling me you were planning to kill yourself all along? Are you crazy?!" Yanagi sunk onto a nearby chair awkwardly, her face pale with shock from this revelation. She had never thought of Mikagami as a suicidal case, never! She couldn't be hearing this, she just couldn't.

A hollow laughed emitted from his thin, pale lips. Closing his eyes, Mikagami softly replied, "No, not crazy…Just realistic. Did you honestly think that I had no idea what awaited me, Yanagi-chan? I'm not oblivious…I was ready. So ready, because like I said, I only had one reason for living. Once that reason is finished, done for, over…What else is there for me?" 

"There are many reasons for living, Mikagami…You cannot have only one reason to live, its simply impossible," Yanagi murmured quietly, still shocked by Mikagami's slightly twisted reasoning. 

_ Mikagami-senpai…I didn't know you were that disturbed…_

"Maybe so…Yes, I did have several reasons to live. But I threw them all away the minute I devoted myself to my cause."

"Does that mean you can't take them back?" she shot back, definitely not going to give up now that she knew what he had planned to do. "There is more to your life than just vengeance, Mikagami. Surely you have thought about other things…What about your plans for your future? Don't you have your ambitions? Aspirations? Things you want to achieve? What about those?"

"What *about* those? Once you give yourself up to a cause, Yanagi-chan, in the process you also give up everything you held dear before. I planned to be a lawyer when I grew up, because I wanted a job that paid well enough for me to support Mifuyu-neechan and I…I had planned to go to college, I had so many things I wanted to do…" His tone was wistful, almost regrettable. He missed those times when all he had to worry about was his schoolwork.

"…But you gave them all up, for Mifuyu."

"Hai."

"And now, you feel as if you've got nothing else to live for."

"No, I *know* I have nothing else to live for."

A pause. "Well then, Mikagami, I'm glad to say that you are wrong," Yanagi countered, switching on the small lamp beside her in an effort to lighten up the room. She also wanted to take a good look at Mikagami, to see if she was getting through to him…even though at the moment, it didn't seem she was succeeding, "You should continue living, even if you feel there is nothing left."

"Why?"

"Because you should," she whispered, her face illuminated by the dim yellow light of the lamp. Only a little light shone on Mikagami's face, yet it was enough for her to see that he wasn't doing any better than earlier. Locking her gaze onto his, she said firmly, "Life should be lived to its fullest, not snuffed out somewhere in the middle. Especially not now, when you're just starting to enter the real world." 

_Even though you've probably seen more of the real world than most of us have…_

"What's the point? In the end, all that awaits us is death. All our hard work simply goes down the drain when we die, because death is all that awaits humans in the end. And then there are some who get the shortcut…When you think about it, is there even any point in trying to live? In working so hard to achieve something, only to have death take it all away?" Mikagami scowled severely, feeling a sudden hate burning within him. He'd work so hard to get to this point…and look at what happened. 

The gentle smile that curved upon her lips was sad, as she gazed at her forlorn teammate. Even though she personally didn't agree with him, Yanagi was -- in a way -- thankful that they were having this conversation. Maybe this was what Mikagami needed? To have the chance to open up to someone, to have someone who was willing to listen. They'd all been too preoccupied with the Ura Buto Satsujin to actually get to really know one another, too preoccupied with their main goal. 

She was grateful for this opportunity.

"But Mikagami…Isn't that what makes life so precious? The fact that it is just so fragile, and so priceless…Life is something that cannot be bought, something that is too valuable to be bought, and yet we are given its gift for free. God gave us the gift of life. It would be almost sinful to take it, since it is His gift to us. We should treasure it, use it, and never, ever try to vanquish it. Living is living, and everyone has a reason to live. If you were right, Mikagami, and if you really didn't have anything else to live for, then why are you here? Why are you here, arguing with me about it if you had no point of living anymore?"   
    
He did not have the answer to that. What Yanagi said made so much sense, yet Mikagami couldn't get himself to believe it. "If life is as precious as you say…Then why was my sister's taken? She had the right to live, and they took it away from her. *He* took it away from her. That wasn't fair at all. Why? Because life is never fair. Like now, it still isn't. I worked so hard under him, but most of all…I trusted him. I trusted his words, I entrusted my own future into his hands, and he used that trust for himself. All that he did was to ensure that the Hyomon Ken technique lived on. It was never for me, he never cared for me. He…he betrayed me…" 

His head was bent, and the tears returned. Maybe that was what hurt most of all. The fact that the two people he loved most had to leave him. They left him alone, at the age of ten he was already all alone…he just hadn't known. He'd lied to himself so convincingly that he had his sensei, when in fact all that was needed was his talent. If he hadn't that talent, sensei wouldn't have bothered with him at all. 

_Leave me alone, that's what I always say. But I don't want that! I want someone to hold me, to tell me that everything will be alright. I want someone to care about me, not because I'm the top student. Not because of my reputation._

"What do you want, Mikagami? Don't hide behind the word 'revenge' anymore. You want something else, something more. What is it? Maybe I…" Yanagi gently stroked his long, silvery-grey hair. Her voice was soft, coaxing him to open up even more. She had dealt with similar, although not as severe, cases with the kids in the kindergarten. When they cried, it was always so hard for them to just tell what they wanted. They needed to be coaxed. They needed to feel secure before opening up. Yanagi could see the child within him so clearly now, it was ridiculous how she'd been so blind before.

"Maybe I could help…"

"I want someone…to truly care…" he whispered, the lump in his throat growing bigger every second, "Mifuyu-neechan cared…But she left. So early. My parents…they left me when I was a baby, I don't even know how they look like anymore. Sensei left me too, and I have no one now…because no one understands. No one wants to understand. No one wants to know a boy who's got no one. They're too wrapped up in their own affairs, in their own lives to care about someone else...All I want is someone who cares."

"And you've got them. You just haven't allowed yourself to accept them. Team Hokage…They care about you, you know they do."

Mikagami snorted, and turned away, "Care about me? All they need are my skills and strength, considering how immensely childish they are. If I didn't have that, they wouldn't give a damn." 

"Don't say that! See? You're lying to yourself again! You're pushing away the people that *do* care about you, and only see the negative side of things," she frowned severely, pausing a moment before continuing, "You always say 'if this', 'if that'. Well, there isn't an 'if' here. Mikagami Tokiya wouldn't *be* Mikagami Tokiya if he didn't have the strength and intelligence that you do. You are who you are, and there can never be an 'if' in your identity. I wouldn't be Sakoshita Yanagi if I didn't have my dresses, my healing powers or my cooking skills. You wouldn't be who you are now, if you didn't have the inborn cockiness within you.

"People always want to be someone else, but that would mean just copying someone else. That's just as bad as being another one of Kouran's clones. You're thinking of your ideal self, the one you'd rather be. The Mikagami Tokiya who's sister never died, who doesn't know how to hold a sword, who's never fought in the Ura Buto Satsujin, who has the ideal life you've always yearned for. But that isn't you, that's just somebody else you want to be. And that makes you his clone. Do you understand what I'm trying to say here, Mikagami? Do you want to be someone else's clone? Why don't you try being yourself for a change? Stop hiding behind the mask!"

When Mikagami didn't meet her gaze, Yanagi literally forced him to face her, "Listen, Mikagami. When you talk about Team Hokage, that means you're talking about me too. And I *know* that I care about you, just like I care about everyone else. If I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting right here trying to make you see the real thing. I may not be as experienced as you are in the workings of the world, but I know friendship when I see it. And we are definitely your friends_…_Why are you so stubborn about it? Do we embarrass you?"

Mikagami couldn't suppress a dry smile at Yanagi suddenly being so forceful. Mifuyu had always been something like that too. Delicate, but also firm and headstrong. "Why am I stubborn? I suppose embarrassment does occasionally serve as a reason…" He frowned, "But just look at the running trend, Yanagi-chan. Everyone I've cared about have either disappeared or died. I'm…I'm afraid. I don't think I could handle it if that happened again."

"You're frightened." 

Oddly, she was happy about this. Mikagami really was starting to open up to her. The side of her mouth turned upwards in a slight smile.

"But that's okay, because being frightened is a normal part of life. Everyone's frightened of something. You fear being hurt, and that's very understandable, considering your past. However, our fears are something to be conquered, not shied away from. I used to fear blood a lot, but after helping dress so many wounds for the children, I've gotten used to the sight of blood. You need to get over your fear too. But to do that, you *have* to let us help you. Fears cannot be conquered alone. Subdued, yes. Conquered, never. Will you let us help you, Mikagami? Please?" 

His head hurt. He'd opened up so much tonight, that he knew, but Mikagami didn't know if he could take a step as bold as this. To accept friendship…It's been so long since he last accepted someone's offer of companionship. _Friends…My friends?_

Yanagi noticed his hesitation, but that wouldn't stop her now, not when she's come so far already, "…Would you at least let me help you? Just the two of us, then we'll move on from there. How about that?" 

Mikagami looked up. 

_I'm so tired of running away…Why can't I just face reality like everyone else? Even that sea monkey Hanabishi is able to face his own reality. I'm tired of it, I don't want it anymore. No more running. No more hiding. I'll face what I must, and accept the consequences…Maybe then, 'neechan will forgive me._

"…Hai, we'll try it." 

"That's great! See? You're doing great already!" Yanagi was all smiles now, and Mikagami couldn't help but smile back. He fingered the faint scar on his arm that he had received in the fight against Kai, his face thoughtful. Hopefully, it would start to heal now, and him along with it. He couldn't back out now, Yanagi was already counting on him. He couldn't let her down, and he wouldn't let his sister down either.

"…What do you think Mifuyu will say about this, Mikagami?" 

He blinked. "Well…I suppose, she would be happy about this. She always said I needed to get out more, anyway." 

Yanagi giggled in return, and the earlier burden within him seemed to lighten considerably. It didn't completely disappear, but it didn't feel like crushing him flat either. Glancing at the wall clock, he couldn't help but comment dryly.

"…We've been here for quite a while." 

"What?!" 

Her large, brown eyes widened considerably, and Yanagi leaped to her feet, "I totally forgot about dinner! Oh wow, I'm starving right now!" Dragging Mikagami to his feet, she said frantically, "Recca-kun's gonna be so mad! Not to mention Fuuko-chan, Ganko-chan, Kaoru-kun…" Mikagami could only sweatdrop at being dragged through the floor to the other side of the room.

Before they reached the door however, it slammed inwards to reveal a very suspicious Flame Caster. Recca glared at Mikagami, "Mikagami, you pervert!!! What were you doing so long with Hime in your room, alone?!!" 

Mikagami frowned, "What do you *think* I'm doing with Yanagi-chan?" His stoic demeanour had returned almost immediately, yet there was almost something akin to mischievousness twinkling within those twin blue orbs. 

_Maybe all Mikagami-senpai needs is a bit of coaching from everyone, and he could be as wisecracking as…Kondo._ A tiny sweatdropped rolled down her forehead as Yanagi nearly choked at the thought.

The Flame Caster's eyes bulged out as his mind ran through all the perverted things Mikagami could have done to his fragile, precious Hime all this time…"Why you damned pervert! I'm gonna kick your ass for this, you idiot!"

"Good lord, and I though Ishijima was perverted!" Mikagami shot back heatedly, "Baka Hanabishi, to do *that* would be like committing incest!" He could hardly explain why he felt the urge to blow up whenever Hanabishi was around, considering the fact that almost no one could have ever gotten such a response out of him several months ago. _ Yet, here I am shouting at him over something as ridiculous as this._

Yanagi sighed and edged quietly out of the room, leaving the two teenagers yelling at one another in the hall. _Recca-kun, you can be such a big ninny sometimes…_

A touch of a smile fell upon her lips. 

_But I suppose Mikagami-senpai does need someone to be his emotional punching bag from time to time. You're such a sweetheart sometimes._ No matter what, her beloved ninja would always be there to cheer anyone up, whether he knew it or not. And Mikagami definitely needed someone like Recca to draw out the Ensui master's subdued personality. 

The storm of thunder and lightning and tapping raindrops, once raging and fierce and so destructive, had calmed down to a slight drizzle, a whisper of trickling water down the walls of the hotel and the leaves of the looming cherry blossoms. A fragile quietness of peace and serenity reigned the moment, as the greyish clouds moved aside to make way for the white full moon of the night. 

The storm has now passed. 

~fin~

(**last-minute plea:** please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease send in feedback! This is the first time I've ever used Yanagi so much in one fic, and I'd really like to know what you think about my portrayal of her :o)


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